We are daughters of our Heavenly Father, who loves us, and we love Him. We will "stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places" (Mosiah 18:9)
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Summer Soundtrack
As I drove around playing Chauffeur, I realized that many of the songs that created my Summer 2009 Soundtrack are now popular and played on mainstream radio often. As I think about last summer and the different relationships I was in, I thought to myself. I am A Daughter of God and deserve better. Once I said that I realized that I haven't always thought of myself that way and often many of Heavenly Father's Daughters don't, but it is important to keep in mind. I am a Daughter of God who loves me, and I deserve better. Don't let anyone EVER let you think anything less of yourself.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Mid Life Crisis
So, I was talking to the love of my life today, it's been a while since he and I have had time to just talk about everything that's been going on in our lives. Him with the whole end of the semester junk and me... here.
Anyways we were talking and one of the things that I have always loved so much about him is that he knows everything about me, there are little to no surprises when it comes to me, but in conversation, this one fact actually made me sad. I felt ashamed of some of the things he knew about me, you know the kind of things your girlfriend can know about you, but never a guy.
I realized that I am not happy where I am. I've actually known this for a while. Not that I am not grateful for the opportunities that I have had out here, but I haven't been living my life in the best manner. For example, I've been working a lot for the past 18 months approx.. and I feel like I've been wasting time, time that I'm never going to get back. I am pretty sure that I have quit everything I have ever started. The piano downstairs has spent almost over 4 years without me playing it and I'm the reason it was purchased. My dad FINALLY bought me the dance shoes I've been dying for since '08, and I've used them once making it so that I have even let the one thing that has always made me happy go.
I'm almost turning 21, well, I am turning 21 and I am no where close to getting or having gotten anything done in my life. I have the desire to go and serve the Lord in a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints, but every night I dream that I am back in Rexburg studying again. I and see myself in my little desk at the McKay Library till it closes and going to classes and I miss it all, I find myself debating on a decision I have already made, like this choice is making it so that I am loosing more time. Like I am being held back in life by the decision to go on a mission which I know for a fact is not the way I should be feeling.
My mid life crisis at age 21.
Anyways we were talking and one of the things that I have always loved so much about him is that he knows everything about me, there are little to no surprises when it comes to me, but in conversation, this one fact actually made me sad. I felt ashamed of some of the things he knew about me, you know the kind of things your girlfriend can know about you, but never a guy.
I realized that I am not happy where I am. I've actually known this for a while. Not that I am not grateful for the opportunities that I have had out here, but I haven't been living my life in the best manner. For example, I've been working a lot for the past 18 months approx.. and I feel like I've been wasting time, time that I'm never going to get back. I am pretty sure that I have quit everything I have ever started. The piano downstairs has spent almost over 4 years without me playing it and I'm the reason it was purchased. My dad FINALLY bought me the dance shoes I've been dying for since '08, and I've used them once making it so that I have even let the one thing that has always made me happy go.
I'm almost turning 21, well, I am turning 21 and I am no where close to getting or having gotten anything done in my life. I have the desire to go and serve the Lord in a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints, but every night I dream that I am back in Rexburg studying again. I and see myself in my little desk at the McKay Library till it closes and going to classes and I miss it all, I find myself debating on a decision I have already made, like this choice is making it so that I am loosing more time. Like I am being held back in life by the decision to go on a mission which I know for a fact is not the way I should be feeling.
My mid life crisis at age 21.
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