Mid Life Crisis

So, I was talking to the love of my life today, it's been a while since he and I have had time to just talk about everything that's been going on in our lives. Him with the whole end of the semester junk and me... here.
Anyways we were talking and one of the things that I have always loved so much about him is that he knows everything about me, there are little to no surprises when it comes to me, but in conversation, this one fact actually made me sad. I felt ashamed of some of the things he knew about me, you know the kind of things your girlfriend can know about you, but never a guy.
I realized that I am not happy where I am. I've actually known this for a while. Not that I am not grateful for the opportunities that I have had out here, but I haven't been living my life in the best manner. For example, I've been working a lot for the past 18 months approx.. and I feel like I've been wasting time, time that I'm never going to get back. I am pretty sure that I have quit everything I have ever started. The piano downstairs has spent almost over 4 years without me playing it and I'm the reason it was purchased. My dad FINALLY bought me the dance shoes I've been dying for since '08, and I've used them once making it so that I have even let the one thing that has always made me happy go.
I'm almost turning 21, well, I am turning 21 and I am no where close to getting or having gotten anything done in my life. I have the desire to go and serve the Lord in a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints, but every night I dream that I am back in Rexburg studying again. I and see myself in my little desk at the McKay Library till it closes and going to classes and I miss it all, I find myself debating on a decision I have already made, like this choice is making it so that I am loosing more time. Like I am being held back in life by the decision to go on a mission which I know for a fact is not the way I should be feeling.
My mid life crisis at age 21.