I will Always hold out for better

Ever since Junior year in high school. My Best friend Nychole has always treated me like I am miss money bag. Always, please buy me this and please get me that and I would because well, friendship is supposed to be give and take, but as the years have gone by it has gotten worse and more often. And honestly more expensive. So she asked me to go support her in Miss New Jersey this year and I knew I couldn't afford it so I got someone to go down with me. No I am being told that I will not be receiving his part of the car rental because he didn't drive. I tried multiple times to put him on as the second driver, multiple. as in more then once and I am being told that because I drove the whole way he will not pay, last time i checked, usually people pay to get driven not make the driver pay to drive. The whole time I was having anxiety attacks etc... but i went anyway because my friend asked me to support her and to be honest the whole time i was there and the days after i felt like crap, like she could have cared less if i came at all. Seriously, I am beyond done with always putting more into a relationship/friendship then I get back. I deserve better and will hold out for better all the time. I am beyond upset about this. I make sacrifices for others to get treated like crap and it is not okay in any way

No Joke

Today my two babies, Ryan Reeson and Adrian Alonzo graduated High School. Oh my Goodness, I remember when they were Christopher's age. I've been planning on going to their graduation since they came into the High School. Graduation has come and gone and I did not have the energy or motivation to go, even just for the end. I did not go to their graduation at all. Honestly all I did was go get Christopher from his play practice today. Nothing happened on the way there and nothing happened on the way back. But I get home and all I want to do it cry. I'm tired and all I want to do is cry and all I did today was go get Chris from Rehearsal. The Sister Missionaries called and asked me to go out with them tomorrow, I honestly don't think I can do it. I really need to find out what's going on, because I'm not okay with this, it's not pleasant, I feel horrible and though My two guys prolly didn't even think twice about whether or not I was there, I should have been there and I didn't go.

My Dilemma

I have absolutely no desire to leave my house and go socialize with people, at all. Yet, I am super sad and lonely that I have no one. I'm messed up. Seriously