Beautiful Disasterous Thoughts

• Why is everyone concerned with having me date someone, people at work think I should date everyone from the personal training intern to some random medical student I've never met before in my life to the British Soccer guys that are only going to be here for another week. Even my mother is telling me to go date someone.
• Do people not get that for the first to happen I would need to be social and go out ect... do things.
• I like to stay at home not do the above, at least not for the past 1-2 months.
• I would love to eventually have someone to date ect... if it didn't mean having to go out and socialize
• Why the Hell did a month later Richard Nix call me up after standing me up for a date, calling me and Ass and introducing my once was best friend to his girlfriend and expect me to hang out?
• Why am I a horrible person for not believing that he was genuinely doing the right thing?
• Why is it that when (a long long time ago...) when I was talking to a guy, any guy, My again, once best friend made herself a priority in my life, We can all 3 hang out or cancel your date and come hang out with me. Mom, tell her to cancel, ect... ect... but the day she gets someone new it's like why are you around, go away, how dare you blah blah blah
• I rant about it, but have no real desire to do anything about it.
• I think it's easier to be anti social if i just cut off all my once friends
• I don't feel like going out and making new friends or rekindling old friendships.
• You screw me over once and I cut you off just like that, once upon a time, I didn't do that I would let people screw me over and over and over again and still take them back, not anymore.
• A lady at church just found out that I am 21 and commented; What are you doing with your life, go on a mission or get married already. She later said that she was just joking, but it really pissed me off.
• I Miss my long hair.
• I REALLY REALLY miss my long hair.
• Stupid radiation that made me have to cut my cute long hair short!
• I am content to not socialize and to cut off friends, but I really am miserable
• Michael Jackson is the only thing that makes me deliriously happy.
• I know the last statement was odd, but it's true.
• I miss dancing and if I had the money I would sign up for classes right away.
• I was given the opportunity to take classes and just put down small payments, big issue is it wasn't just privates, it included semi privates and group lessons all requiring me to go out and be social.
• I am truly depressed for no reason. I can get by during the day pretty well as long as I don't surround myself with too many people, but nothing makes me happy like I usually am or can be or used to be.
• There was a time that nothing could get me down.
• There was a time that I could look at the positive on anything.
• There was a time that I loved the church and my religion more then anything, I spent 9months planning on going on a mission to teach others about this church and religion that I loved so much and now once a week I have to drag myself to church and trudge through it having no real desire to be there for any amount of time much less 3 hours. I'm only there because my family expects me to be there.
• I have strong feelings of dislike for the YSA in my area, part of what makes my being a nomad easier, but still makes me sad when I'm not invited or included.
• I may be choosing to not hang out with people, but for no one to notice or care doesn't help.
• I wanna be like Michael Jackson, in the sense that when I'm gone, I want someone to care, someone to miss me someone to remember me.
• Most days I wanna cry, I don't but I want to.