He Said Bye!!!!!

You tucked me in, Turned out the lights kept me safe and sound at night little girls depend on things like that

Tigger

When you leave town
I'm gonna buy you a calling card,
Cause I am falling hard for you.

I go back on Labor Day
And I will try to make my way
Out West to California

....

When you're on your own
And suddenly without me
Will you forget about me?

....

When I'm all alone
And I close my eyes
That's when I'll see your face again

And when you're gone
You know that I'll be waiting when you're gone
But you're here with me right now...

If we should drift apart

Let me take this moment just to say
You're gonna change the World Someday

And I will think of you everynight
At the Same Time

When the Sun Goes down

Feelings Enough to Write about

I was looking back at all the guys I have liked in, pretty much my whole life. I notice that I have a thing for guys I know won't stick around long. I would like to say that it is because I don't need to get attached and therefor avoid getting hurt. But I didn't keep that precaution with Cory. So I'm thinking after all my complaints ect... about him not being willing to commit, I wonder if I have commitment problems. I can commit to you for a shot period of time, but I look for the next thing quickly. Unless I do that because no guy has ever actually stuck around for too long, so this is just how I have become. Not even sure, just elt like writting down my feelings.

An Unplanned Day to Remember

For the rest of my life. He's been trying I know he has. Texting me more on his own, asking me out more often. He's been making the efforts that I was hoping for. LoL, he actually listened to my concerns when I spoke to him. I am sooo greatful for that.
It surprises me how such a big event can occur and the world keep moving like nothing has changed. In actuallity, everything for me has changed. Still debating on if that is a good thing or not. At the end of the Day I am greatful for everything and regret nothing.



And the world keeps moving like nothing evre happened

Teenage Dream

I have constantly been associating the song Teenage Dream by Katy Perry to Cory. The reason this is a little off is that I never understood why. Now I do........ Listen to the words... Okay, read them...... Out of Order, but in the way I connect it to him;

"Before You Met me, I was a wreck..... Things were kindda heavy, You brought me to life."
If you knew me before June/July, or even then, you know that I was in such a, what we call Chemical Depression. I didn't want to do anything or be around Anyone. At times it was often hard just to be around people. I unfortunately couldn't even bring myself to hang out with My BFF Nychole on her birthday. Unless you fought to stay in my life I did everything in my power to kick you out of it. Some how, Cory got past my defences and I let him in. Shortly after, I started letting other people in/ back in. He has no clue and it's something I will never be able to repay him for.

"My Heart Stops When You Look at Me"
One of the First things I noticed about Cory, even back when I was 14 were his eyes. I have a thing for Hazel eyes. LOL, There was a point I didn't even remember that he had glasses because I always looked past them. Either way, when ever he looked at me and eve to this day, If I catch him looking at me and get a good look at his eyes, my heart always skips a beat.

"You think I'm pretty without any make-up on"
On the first day of School this Fall semester, I was driving back to work after class and saw him driving by, so I texted him. He ended up coming to my job just to say Hi after I hadn't seen him for a while. I didn't realized until after just how horrible I looked, MY eyebrows were not done and I have No make up on, but He didn't act any differently then he had before. He still treated me like I was the prettiest girl ever. Don't tell him that, he might get mad that I noticed he did something nice.... lol

"Just one touch, now baby I Believe"
Just Yesterday, I am sure I was at the point where I was finally getting over him. Realizing that he doesn't want me in his life and I can have a life without him. And then out of the blue he texts me saying all the crap a perfect guy would say. And I'm back in love again. I see him and I am right where he wants me ::rolls eyes::. Just One Word, Just One Touch and I'm right back in his arms. uurrggghhhhhhhhh

"I finally Found You, My Missing Puzzle Piece, I'm complete"
Nychole has even said that I have no real reason to Love this man. Regardless I do, more then I would like to. I feel like no matter what is going wrong in the world that everything is alright when he's holding me. With him I feel Whole and I haven't felt like that for someone since before I even met Cory....... like 6 years ago. Just saying.......



At the end of the Day... Cory is MY Teenage Dream

Why should I expect Anything Else

I am at the point in my life where I expect men to be mean and rude to me. I fear the reaction I might have if I person of the male persuasion is actually nice to me. Cory calls me out of the blue for no reason not something he ever does to say 3 times, I called the wrong number, couldn't even be bothered to say Hi how are you doing? Haven't spoken to you in a while. Then Andre invites me to hang out with him today so I drive the half hour it takes to get to him for him to act like I'm imposing myself on him, like I'm boring him and why did I even come down. To 15 minutes later say, take me home my fiends are coming over and I wanna chill with them bye. All this and all I can think to myself is why should I expect anything different, This is how most of the men in my life treat me so why should I expect to be treated differently. Who am I to expect any type of different treatment then that of an old beaten up play toy that you only look at when you're bored. Why should I even think to want to see Cory more then once a month? Why should I expect Andre to be happy to see me after I went out of my way to go hang out with him? Why? These men's behaviors are not any different then what I am used to. So why do I constantly find myself expecting more. Who am I to expect anything more or anything different. Nychole and I were watching Rent today and there is a line that says "I'd be happy to Die for a Taste of What Angel had, Someone to live for, Unafraid to say I Love You" I have to laugh because who am I to expect that I should ever be honored enough to have anything remotely close to that.

Trembles

It's interesting, how something that I was so sure I wanted, so sure I was ready for, hoping for waiting for can make me so happy and amazed, So intrigued and stilled can suddenly be the same thing eating you up inside. The time I had last night could not have been more perfect. I left feeling on top of the world, feeling like a whole new person, like nothing could go wrong. The feelings and heightened senses I don't ever recall feeling before brought me to a place of comfort I haven't felt in the longest time. Yet here I am reliving every moment and this time feeling like I want to cry like I can't get out of this body fast enough to escape. How can one choice evoke sch opposite feelings. Trying to wrap my head about it and stay happy while the rest of me is wrestling to get out of here as quickly as possible.
It's that feeling of wondering WHAT is holding you together because you Know you should be falling apart